I just came back from kid's camp, and i slept through the night. too tired. whole body was aching from the floor i slept on for three nights. now i need to rush my TIE. ugh. i need to be faster gail. i need to be faster.
my hearts still saddens at the thought of all that. Heard them talking about her blog post and her message. i can't help but feel so burdened. i can't wait for all these to be over.
in a week's time it's gonna be my holidays, but i wouldn't really be enjoying it since i've so many assignments due in January. Plus that 'thing' i've to carry everywhere i go. i can't keep my mind off this burden. Sigh. I don't want it to affect my life.
Nope it's not. gotta tell myself that. Just can't wait for it to be over.
i just told Anlin about my current state and position yesterday. and i wonder if it's just me being too sensitive and worried. And i thought so.
breathe gail. breathe.
faster gail, faster.
pants, pants*
okays, i guess i've gotta get back to work now, TIE's due in 6 hours time. then i'd see him finally tonyt. (:
smile gail, smile. hey, that's not that difficult now.
(:
minds off.
- breathe gail, breathe.
-
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saneitiny- December 4th, 11:02
- ties that bind, till it hurts.
-
- saneitiny
- November 26th, 17:13
yes i'm supposed to do my work now. but it's so tiring for my mind. ugh. hahahaha.
at starbucks doing TIE. i've so many words but i just can't seem to organise them into a perfect essay. oh well, what's perfect anyway? huh? i dono what is gonna get me an A anymore. ):
i'm seeing clem in 2 hours. maybe that's why i can't seem to continue structuring my essay since i've been doing that for 2 hours. i can't wait. (:
well, randee and charlene's not even doing their work. haha. k la i'll start in 2 minutes. HEH.
you know, now when i see a number i dono on my phone my heart skips a beat cuz i'm not sure who it's gonna be since i just changed my phone and it doesn't have all my contacts. and especially when i see your name. even though the word 'your' actually means more than one person, i tend to put you guys together, since you've all ganged up. i hesitate to open the messages you send me cuz it's such a burden i'm carrying. i hesitate to think about you cause it gives me the shivers. your presence just ties me down, ties my mind down. so much. cause of all you've done to me, for me. but, i shall not think so much. (even though every night before i sleep i still do.)
and it ties me down.
i can't wait.
for the light to shine on me once again, and that my passion will be renewed. It's tough being confused on what your own passion is.
Dear Lord, please grant me my wish. Amen.
Okay, i need to focus my mind on these list of assignments for now, just for a few more weeks. Back to TIE. smile gail. (:
- and so you think.
-
- saneitiny
- November 20th, 12:48
im feeling bothered, and i believe my whole weekend wouldnt be very good. you claim you're concern and you're helping, but with this behavior and attitudes, you are starting the politics. all the fake smiles and awkward tensioned moments just mkae it worse. i feel so misunderstood. and i will never be understood. cuz you just simply choose to believe what you see only, yes i use the word you, not we. not we anymore. because this has become war. since you want to start it. just to retain your power you once had. go ahead. im just wondering if you wanna do this, why me then? why me? if could be you. why drag me into this shit? whoever in my shoes will get all this shit, it's a trend that will remain nomatter how hard i try. is it? NO.
i dont beieve that. i choose to believe those who told me to ignore all that was said and done, and start anew. because it all wasnt true. it all wasnt from the heart, do you really think it was out of pure concern and love from deep down in your heart when you say stuff? if there was even love, your attitude wouldnt be so fake and lousy. to anyone! i love those who really love, to all. that's what God would do. Love those who are true, and they are those i'd listen to. i don't appreciate fakeness, sorry. i just feel disappointed that i still try to love,
those who don't love me.
i thought it was right, but i end up scarring myself, cuz it affects me so much. affects the way i talk and behave. affects my thinking. so bad. even a child needs reinforcement to do do things better, don't you see? If you still dont, let me tell you how i feel.thank you for finding problems for me to solve
instead of compliments to drive me forth.
but the thing is that im the one infront,
including my fellow friends and some,
to face the war of mankind's humiliation
and constant stabful stares that say 'it's my obligation'.
while you just sit behind and yag,
when you used to come to me and nag.
about all the missing bundles of love,
when you don't realise it's what i too deserve.
i now rely on a few encouraging words,
and my own willpower and such,
and pray to God everyday,
that such ill feelings would go away.
and i would one day stand so strong,
that you would trust me and know i was wronged.
and that my aim to love them all,
would hit me so hard, i would get up when i fall.
but let me say here now that i still do love
all my fellow friends that i live to serve.
it's tough to love the people around, but that's the only way out.
i can tell you, that selfishness,
will bring you no where.
- WAVES 14
-
- saneitiny
- October 17th, 23:20
SP Dance Club, Strictly Dance Zone's Waves 14 2009 Dance Production:
'CIRCUS'
Date & time: 6 of November, Friday night, 7.30pm
Venue: SP Convention Centre
Price: $15
Don't wait, tickets are selling hot! And there are limited tickets! So ask your friends along and get yours now guys!!
You can contact me too if you want tix yea! ;D
- where is the love?
-
- saneitiny
- October 14th, 21:48
im posting again. after awhile. i clicked the post button but it brought me to this draft i saved without posting like about a month ago? its about people around me and the relationships between them, and it was sad. it was sad how people around could change so much over time. and i wonder now, if i were to post what i typed, it still applies. probably they have changed back for the better. (: jusst choose to be optimistic since school is starting in 4 days time. goodness. did i just have a holiday?
it's so tough just doing up a concert, it's coming in less than 3 weeks. and we haven sold tickets, we haven even finished the dances pieces. even though the choreographers are stressed about the dance pieces, im worried about the whole thing itself. i know it;s gonna be a good show, i'm just worried about the fact that it's live. so much put in it, so little to just screw it up. i want all of you to see your hard work paying off. mm, but then again, that doesn't always happen for dancers. and yup it's true, i spent my whole holiday dancing. haha. and probably, painting my nails, wad else? rubbing my blueblacks. erm, spending time with the dancers. chilling out with some friends. talking, alot. and wow, school reopens. how fast.
sigh.
what a life.
all these while, i have so many things in mind to do. i've got tons of stuff. i wanna do so much, but there only is so much i can do, and only so much i can bring myself to do. and i need some motivation, which only comes when you do something. i can't always keep giving, should i? i'm tired. im just too tired to argue back with you. please.
where is the love?
i suddenly miss commonwealth.
- plan-ked out day.
-
- saneitiny
- September 16th, 23:40
a nightmare affected my entire day. my heart kept beating faster than usual today. i wonder what my mind is on. i'm a little blurry today. just today. went for wacking training thinking dancing it out will make me feel better but still a little gazy. and then later walked off lonely to clementi. got home, i tried to dye my hair but failed terribly. my hair's still as black as ever. wonder if it's what happened last night. that's not moving me today. as in, my emotions have been on a plank today. a low and deep yet steep plank.
my heart kept beating faster than usual today. i wonder what my mind is on.
i feel like selling away all my clothes. hahaha. for cheap prices. like $5-$10. heh. some i haven even worn before. mm, maybe i open blogshop then i model my own clothes. earn some cash. haha.
mm, i dont feel like i've done enough today to deserve to go sleep yet. it's 11.29 now. am i waiting for something?somehow i know.
-i miss you.
- i have ears and eyes.
-
- saneitiny
- September 16th, 1:09
to those who are'nt doing much i wana let you know that it's not easy when you get to be able to do something because sometimes you don't know if you should do it or if you have the ability to do it you become afraid that you will fail or that people will comment and thus you prefer to step back a little and watch instead of do so stop thinking i should do something because if you are in my shoes you will know how it feels its not easy so shut up and stop saying it just makes it worst the more people hear your yagging.
things will get better. im praying.
just don't take me for granted.
- (:
-
- saneitiny
- September 8th, 13:12
im helping ethel with filming now. and it's getting sooooo draggy and boring. hahaa. but i'm glad to be helping her la, can add to my portfolio hahahaa. poor carin's getting 'rapped' over and over again by her 'father'. and the smell of the burning spotlights' stink so bad i can smell it from the mini living room outside. my tummy aches from the coffee i drank this morning. and im sweating from all the acting and waiting. sigh, ddn't know filming can get so tiring. hahaha. but i guess it tougher for poor director and crew. at least all i'm doing is waiting.
i forgot to return ezzat's book, think he's gonna owe a fine hahaa oops. i'll pay you back kays? lalalala.
i'm dreading meeting tonight. but i'm looking forward to dancing for the week. it's all getting better the more i dance. it just brings all my worries and thoughts away. (:
'
got scoldings yesterday. and there was a feeling of guilt. and consciousness. loads of it. too much. it's good for me. but i still can't eat it in that people must show care. if we don't. it'll seem like we don't care. what logic is that? care comes from within people. i love you guys more than anything. and i guess it's not the behavior, it's the thought. that counts.
i'm glad my holidays are passing by slower than i thought. though days pass fast. but, it's still the first week people. mm.. 7 more weeks to go? hahah.
kay kay, gotta go now. my quarreling scene. seeya loveies.
- and i'm really happy.
-
- saneitiny
- September 6th, 20:58
tell me what do you want me to do then, talk to you? i don't even know if i should make eye contact or go close. it becomes so hard for me too, not just you. you've made me confused. i tried to be normal. but probably i went too far without knowing. i wanted to just turn and walk away, but i didnt. probably, or maybe, i just need some time to think. you don't know what's going on inside here, sweets. you don't know at all. maybe yea, i should just turn and walk away. cause you just make me happy, but more and more lost.
to my lovely couz:
i wish i could get closer to you far beyond just our relations with each other. cause now it seems like it's just because of that. i love you girl. i loved you through whatever you have shown or that you are. i just wish we knew each other better, and that you'd do the same, for me.
well,i'm happy to see that you are too. but is that enough?
and the song just keeps ringing in my head.
cause i'm really happy
that you're in my life
and i'm really happy
that you're in my heart.
and i'm really happy
cause Jesus, you're all i need.
probably this is what blogs are for too, to tell people what you dare not say to them. and just praying they'd understand, your hidden meaning behind the lines.
it's all getting better.
- --
-
- saneitiny
- August 30th, 0:36
is there a difference between making people happy, and trying to please people?
apparently some people just see things too much on the surface.
even if so, could you just stop being so sarcastic, a statement can hurt a lot. even if you just display it cause you were bored.
or am i too sensitive?
i guess i've been doing that too much in my life.
Lord help me, to love, in a smart way.
- lovely noise.
-
- saneitiny
- August 27th, 21:14
OH, what a lovely noise,
when you raise your voice to sing.
I, wanna thank You Lord,
You're the giver of all good things.
It was a great night spent with my fellow dancers during the so-called sdz study session. hahaa. Singing and having stupid crappy talks with the bboys at the table. And all the rest who came with the initial intentions of studying. /x.
One thing i realise about these guys, they are just simply loving to the people around them. okay probably not to all, but the bond they have with each other is unexplicably tied. As much as guys as guys would show their 'coolness' and seem like they don't care, indirectly they show it all out through how much fun they have, with each other's company. No matter how much one would try to shift away, their joyfulness embraces the space so much you feel like their every move eats through your skin and influences you altogether. haha. though i only studied one an a half chapters last night, it was truly relaxing to laugh all the stress out. love you people so much.
we're having a lot of fun,
but let's not forget the someone out there, that's feeling lonely tonight.
sing a song and praise the Lord.
- reborn.
-
- saneitiny
- August 25th, 21:25
i was baptised 2 days ago, on the 23rd of aug!
yays. new life, new livejournal. hahaha. no la, its cuz blogspot's giving me tons of problems. since so many ppl around me using LJ, i shall try too. what's with all the functions man. hahaha. (x so now i've two bdays. (;
anyways, happy birthday paul! so glad for you, you're 28! haha sounds nicer than 27. wad am i talking bout. haha. stay cute and nice! and stop being so cheeky! hahaa.
oh, and today im done with iep! finally. after mugging for 3 days. though i didn't really follow ms div's orders for not sleeping, i slept like so much la. haha. okay la iep, hopefully ihp will be easy. which i really doubt so.
i'm gna rest for the night, finally i can blog and surf the net without feeling guilty that im not studying. since one paper is down. and there's study session tmr.
think thats enough for today, my brain cells have more or less been burned up by all the cognitive theories and moral development today. hahaha, bye!
- a new start baby, long way to go. (:
